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Anon Chimer
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Post by Anon Chimer » Tue Jan 23, 2018 6:42 am

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Last edited by Anon Chimer on Wed Jun 12, 2019 10:41 am, edited 1 time in total.

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Infragris
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Post by Infragris » Tue Jan 23, 2018 10:57 am

I really like this text. The nature of it is pitch-perfect for early Marukhati dealings, the central thesis is great, and it connects well with other marukhati/ayleid texts. I also love the idea of calling a Marukhati monastery a "Monolith", it will go perfect with the oppressive classical/industrial architecture we have planned for these places. We should definitely use that for their eastern installations.

Couple of remarks and lore notes though. A lot of this depends on our own homebrewn lore, so it's not set in stone: if you have suggestions or think some of it is plain wrong, by all means tell me.
  • Curator of the Imperial Archive: might be better to go Imperial Library with this (debatable). We've been trying to take some distance from the "Imperial ..." naming scheme, because it can cause confusion for the player if several similar institutions are named the same (keeping in mind we will actually have to build these). The central archives of the Imperial state are called the Concordian Archives for now (something of a placeholder name), and source texts also mention the Imperial Library and the Imperial museum.
  • Provost Yviddiae Serle: not sure about the title Provost, seems out of place. Some of the Marukhati texts talk about Prelates. The name doesn't really register as early Niben-Nedic either - the first name is great, but Serle sounds maybe a bit too Breton (inspiration for Nedic names can be found in texts like the Song of Pelinal, or in the Nedic tribe-names).
  • Cheydinhal: this is kind of complicated. According to our notes, the name Cheydinhal is derived from the Ayleid Ceyadiil, translated as "country of shadows" (referring to the omnipresent jungle). This was later bastardized by local dialects, and only became Cheydinhal (or Hal Cheydin - "Village of Cheydin" in the Colo-Nordic tongue) under the influence of a displaced Colovian dynasty following the War of Righteousness. Depending on how you want to play this out (folklore or history) you could still use Cheydinhal, but it might be more interesting/appropriate to refer to Ceyadiil or Cheydiniil here.
  • Dragonfont: not quite sure what this represents - I thought maybe at first you meant the Dragonfires. If this is a fixture of the court at Cheydinhal, it might be worthwhile to clarify this. Shrine for Akatosh maybe?
  • Countess Selzettia Loyse: you refer to her as a countess here, but as a queen a couple of lines later. Queen might be more appropriate, as the whole county system was a Septimite innovation. The ruling nobility at this point were either relatives of the Emperor, descendants of Rebellion warlords, or (maybe) Nedic post-tribal nobility - not sure what kind of title they would front. This name also doesn't strike me as appropriate for the era (although that's debatable, I know). Another source of inspiration might be Emperors of this period (Ami-El, Gorieus, Hestra, Belharza), names of the early saints, or maybe the prominent tribes of this region (Sedorra, Kheti, Neda, something like that). Actually for nobility it might make sense to drop the surname entirely, and go by a single name (as the emperors of this time did).
  • (the origin of which being intentionally stricken from Alessian record): I like the red commitment part, but this might be superfluous - the Alessians were never particularly ashamed of their anti-Elven pogroms.
  • Canulus and the greater region of Mir: this is also slightly confusing, since at first reading all the action seems to take place near Cheydinhal - maybe add a line that she was transported to the temple-complex at Canulus to be executed there. I love that final sentence though.

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